Last week I had to stay at home with the tykes. I use the word “had” because my mom, who normally watches the kids, was feeling a little under the weather. E is 1 1/2 and O is 4 1/2. Luckily O goes to school for 4 hours in the middle of the day, so he has some time with other kids his age. But for the entire day it was me and E, and she didn’t allow me to let my guard down for even a nanosecond! I did learn a few things though in my few hours as a SAHD.
Have plenty on hand, and make sure it is accessible to the kids at ALL times. These creatures (the kids) eat non stop for like 10 hours a day. If there is a goldfish, a cracker, or applesauce in sight, one of them wants at it. Make sure that you have twice what you need. I would bet that 1/2 of the Goldfish that we buy are in the carpet never to be seen again, probably down there with the legos. Of the other 1/2 that the kids actully get, 1/2 of those are on their clothes or face, the other 1/2 actually makes it into their pie hole.
Bathroom time alone, NOT an option
If there is a kid in the house, and you are in the bathroom, they will hunt you down. You have nowhere to hide! Don’t even think about shutting the door. They will beat on it until there is a hole in it. You have been warned.
Boogers and Oatmeal
I learned that boogers and oatmeal have essentially the same effect when smeared across the face. I asked “E” if she wanted oatmeal for breakfast, to which i got “uh huh”. She ate some of it, but there was a large quantity of of that made it’s way to her nose. Not quite sure how that happened, but there was a mixture involved, and well next thing you know your kid looks like they need a big hose down before they leave the breakfast table. Otherwise they are going to coat everything in sight with… well, it’s either boomeal or oatgers, take your choice.
Plan on being late
No matter how early you leave home, you will still be late for your next trip out of the house. Either because you just couldn’t get your butt out the door soon enough, or yep, you forgot something. I had the perfect plan, I gave daughter food, nap, gather diapers, snacks, and half of the kitchen sink. We head out the door only to realize half way to pickup son from pre-K, NO carseat! Doh!!
Dressing like a slob is necessary
Wearing a nice shirt, POINTLESS!!… remember what I said about boogers and oatmeal. They will find your shirt! Hey, there is no need to get spiffy, the kids don’t care how you look. Save yourself some heartache and dress for boogers and oatmeal.
SAHDs, SAHMs, grandparents, sitters, and anyone else whose normal daily routine involves the care of 1, 2 or 6 kids under the age of 18. THEY SHOULD ALL BE THANKED and given a winning lottery ticket! Honestly, I love my kids more than anything, but if I were a full time SAHD, I might need a drink or possibly even six. Hats off to those that do!