3 Words I Never Want my Child to Say

There are a few things that I can think of that I don’t want coming out of either of my kids mouths. Yes, curse words are some of them, but there are worse (at least in my book), phrases that will leave me wondering where I have failed.

I took my son bowling today with his Pre-K. This is only the second time that he has ever hit the alley with his 4 yr old bowling skills. He, like all of the other kids in the group, used the “kiddie ramp” as I call it, and was a pretty good sport at it.  Although it was total luck, especially with the bumpers up, he did well, and a great time was had by all…. it was what he said when he was done that got under my skin…..


“That’s not fair”

These are words that you will almost never hear me say. They are words of defeat, they are words of entitlement, they are words of giving up.  They tell me that you have a reasonable expectation that life is fair.  I don’t know who ever came up with that in their skinny brain, but I have sad news for them.

LIFE IS NOT FAIR.  Get over it, get on with it, don’t expect it to be that way.  You will be sad and disappointed in the end.  You will live life always wanting something to happen that isn’t and you will think that everyone else owes you something that you are not going to.  I have not, up until this point, ever considered talking to either of my kids to convey to them how life if fair, and how they should think that things will always be equally represented to them.  They don’t deserve that let down.

How it went down: You see, when we were finished bowling for the day, and were changing shoes, I asked my son “well, did you have fun”?

His response was “I wanted to knock them all down.. It’s not fair”…. Arrrggghhh…

I explained to him that it indeed WAS fair, and that he, and all of the other 4 yr olds out there tried as hard as they each could to knock ALL of the pins down, just like he did.  Someone has to win, and someone has to lose, you just happened to be the one that didn’t win, I explained to him.  I then expressed how important it is to try really hard, and to always do his best, and that would be THE best that he could do… at anything.

He gave it quite a stare toward the scoring station… then said… “well, next time, I will try hard to do the best I can”…


That is EXACTLY the response that I was looking for. if I had conjured it up beforehand, that would have been exactly the words that I wold have used!

I have no time or patience for “that’s not fair” in my kid’s vocabulary.  The way I see it there are too many kids (and adults as a result) who spend all of their time wandering though life thinking “that’s not fair”.


I don’t know why you would think that life should or does have some resemblance of fairness.  Of course we all try to make things as fair as possible in any given situation.. but inevitably someone is left out somewhere.  Something it not balanced, someone is not where they think they should be in line, or someone gets more of a particular item than the next guy…or gal (see I’m trying to be fair).

Like I said before, get over it, get on with it, suck it up, and do your best next time!!

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5 thoughts on “3 Words I Never Want my Child to Say”

    1. YES! i agree completely. That one is another one of the “defeated” words. At that point you kid has given up completely. I think the biggest things is that they don’t make it to that point. If they can stay ahead of the curve in that aspect, then they won’t feel like giving up.

  1. Brian,

    I think you just made me hate it as much as you now. I never saw the power in that phrase, for I always tell people “so what” or “you’ll get over it.” But now that I’m about to have a kid, I see the importance of diffusing that thought pattern early.

    Thanks for sharing


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